adC blog

Ok just wanna make it short of what was happening today at 4th of March 2008.  About 13XX i just came back from my daily routine of my work back to my place in my parents market.  That time supposingly i SHOULD be a normal day but heck no…!

By that time i have a second round of delivery to my nearer area, out of the sudden i never realise until my parent’s worker noticed an Indian guy (let’s call him A) and i turn my view.  He was lying on the ground, helpless with his whole body shaking just like those "fat yeong thiu" (not sure what is it called in english, this disease is something like u need to put something on their mouth in order to make them better).  Only my parents, the workers and me only who noticed him, but we didn’t know what to do, so the worker go to a nearest mamak stall to called up his so called ‘friend’ (call him B), cause he thought that he might help him in some kinda way.

At the same time, i saw him like suffering so i just walk to him and observe the situation, that time he’s still CONSCIOUS, by then as i heard from my parent’s worker A had fall down hitting his own head to the ground, so i was abit of nervous to hold him up.  So what i did was i offered my hand so he can grab my hand.  I keep on asking him are you okay?  All that he was mentioning was "Tolong saya".  As i didn’t caught up in this kinda situation before, i just let him grab my hand as i just try to pull him with his own effort getting up (my other hand didn’t do anything).  By then he’s still shaking like mad, he did try his best to get up, by that time when he’s half way getting up, B arrived and give him some keys and metal stuff on his hand to grab, and then only he released my hand and lying on the ground again.  By then B explained to us that he always like dat, is some kinda small matters, after grabbing something then he’ll be alright and the shakes will be subside.

After listening to his explaination and even my parents workers agreed upon him as he said he also heard this kinda situation before, so we just let him lying on the ground, by that time i was thinking and hoping that he’ll be alright and i just resume my delivery.  But what to my suprise was after my delivery and lunch, he passed away.

By the time i arrived, policemen were surrounding A with newspaper on top of him.  As i been told by my mom, he’d stand up and walk for awhile before he collapse again for his last breath.  And of course i’d been scolded by both my parents.  For my mom is like scolding me for some kinda spiritual reason, where for my dad case is something like general knowledge.  I do get his point, which is like if u can’t help him, y u wanna go near him?  Y dun u call for others help?  Well all i can say now is my feeling mixed up, from sad and mad and blaming myself for didn’t put effort to help him and what ‘if’ ?

Anyone can tell me is it my fault that makes him never return to this world…?  But i know for sure that i didn’t put my best effort to help him, cause i never know what to do.  This kinda feeling im having now is like the feeling when i lost my grandmother few years back, helpless and useless….